Posted in Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Sausage Party starring Seth Rogen, James Franco, Johan Hill, and Many Big Actors

Movie Synopsis 

A bunch of food are waiting in a grocery store to be picked by humans or as they call them “the Gods”. Beyond the grocery store’s doors is called the Great Beyond. All of the food want to go to the Great Beyond. They also live by certain rules that they think if they break the Gods will punish them. Our main hero is Frank (Rogen) and his journey trying to get to the Great Beyond.

 

My Opinion

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Last night I went on a double date with Wy our friend Ryan and his girlfriend. The boys suggested we go see Sausage Party. I knew once I heard Seth Rogen’s name that this was not going to be a kid friendly cartoon. I mean look at the movie poster. I have seen many of Rogen’s films and not bat one eye. This one however. WOW! I knew from the trailer that it was going to be raunchy and I thought this is going to have a lot of sexual innuendos. No they took it to a whole new level.

If you are going to watch this here are a few guidelines that must be in order before you can watch it.

Guidelines:

  1. Do not think this is going to be politically correct. It’s not.
  2. Do not have any children near by. This will even be too much for you.
  3. Do not be easily offended. There is a lot of messed up shit.
  4. Do not I repeat DO NOT think they won’t cross the line with anything. Because they don’t cross they line. They ran 25 miles from that line.

My mind is now tainted. There wasn’t any sexual innuendos. There was sex. I will ruin the end for you. The last ten minutes is full on Food Porn. I will never ever look at a bagel, hot dog, hot dog buns, or a taco the same ever again.

On the ride home which is an hour away from the closest movie theater, Wy and I kept trying to wrap our heads around the food fuckery we have just witnessed.  To be truthful I still can’t get over the fact of that movie. it was horrible. It was funny. But it will be only a one time watch for me.

Rating: I have no f*cking clue.

 

Posted in Movie Reviews

The Purge:Election Year Directed by James DeMonaco

Starring: Frank Grillo and Elizabeth Mitchell

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

What it is about: The Purge is still going. It is an election year. Senator Charlie Roan is running for president. She wants to put a stop to the purge. This upsets a lot of people. An assassination attempt has been put out on her for Purge night.

My Opinion:

I haven’t done this in a while but I recently watched this in the theaters. I would have to say this is the best Purge movie so far. They focused on so many little details in this one that it just came together perfectly. This one also showed how corrupt the Purge got for the rich people and politicians. I have to say you need to watch the first two before this one. One thing that was left unanswered from this movie is will it be the last Purge. The movie left on a damn cliff hanger. I don’t know whether they should leave it how it is or if they should make another one.

One thing I do know for certain is that if there really was a purge I’m moving. Whether it be to Canada or to the border that way when purge night is about to happen I can just cross the border for a little vacation.

What would you do if there was a purge? 

♣Jay♠

Posted in Movie Reviews

Legend staring Tom Hardy and Tom Hardy

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What the movie is about: Reggie and Ronnie Kray are twins living in London. They are gangsters taking over London. The story is told by Reggie’s wife Frances. The story follows the twins the day Reggie meets Frances. Ronnie is in a mental institute and is being released.

My opinion: Ronnie is beyond crazy. At first I liked Reggie then towards the end I didn’t like him. I wasn’t much of a fan of Frances. If you are going to watch this be prepared for a gruesome and long story. The movie is a little over two hours. There is a fight scene between Reggie and Ronnie, during the scene you can tell where the stunt double was on Reggie a lot. It was a little irritating but over all it was a good movie. I did like it. Will I watch it ever again? Probably not.

Sorry I have so much to say on this movie but I would spoil the plot twists just by talking about it.

♣Jay♠

Posted in Movie Reviews

Sisters staring Tina Fey and Amy Poelher

What this movie is about: Two sisters find out that their parents have sold their childhood home. The sisters then decide to have one final blow out and through a big party like they use to.

Yeah that is pretty much the movie.

My opinion: Oh my this was funny it was so hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing. I do recommend if having a girls night that this is one of the movies on you list. Trust me you won’t be disappointed.

Sorry I don’t have much to say. There wasn’t much to the movie.

♣Jay♠

Posted in Movie Reviews

10 Things I Hate About You starring Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

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What the movie is about:

Bianca is told that she is not allowed to date until her older sister Kat starts to date. With the help of Cameron and his best friend Michael, they come up with a plan to hire someone to woo her sister. The main problem is Kat doesn’t care what people think about her and she normally says what is on her mind. Hiring the school’s bad boy, Patrick is what the doctor ordered. But can Patrick seduce Kat or will it all blow up in their faces?

My Opinion:

I thought this movie was hilarious. I was told many times to watch this movie and I finally sat down and watched it. I love Julia Stiles character. The “I don’t give a shit” attitude is awesome especially when someone means it. The little romance that was brewing between Patrick and Kat was just awww. Now Bianca at first was annoying until the end when she finally grew a brain.

If you are looking for a good movie to watch on a girls night, this is it.

♣Jay♠

Posted in Movie Reviews

Two Night Stand starring Miles Teller and Analeigh Tipton

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Movie: A woman trying to get over a bad break up decides to go online. (Always the right choice. Not) She makes an online connection and decides to go over to his place. They have sex blah blah blah. The kicker though is that they live in New York. A snow storm traps them inside. Awkward part is that they just had jabs at each other and now are stuck together.

My opinion: This was an alright movie. The girl seemed to snotty for me. I love Miles Teller. He was adorable to me. Even for being a pot head. But omgoodness I just couldn’t get past Tipton’s character. She was like so snotty and ugh I can’t even think of anything good to say about her character. There was a good sex scene. Got Y a little riled up.

Rating: 5 out of 10

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Into the Woods staring Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, Anna Kendrick, and more big stars.

Okay so this movie combines a lot of fairy tales into one. I was so excited to sit down and watch this. When I first saw the commercial and saw Johnny Depp, “I was like yep. I’m watching it.” Well my fiance (Y) and I went to Redbox and rented it for date night. I was excited. I almost started bouncing up and down in my seat. We got home, settled into the couch, and pressed play…

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Movie: The movie is about all the fairy tales wrapped into one. A baker and his wife want a baby but they find out that the family was cursed due to the Baker’s father stealing beans out of a witch’s garden. They can reverse the curse if they get these enchanted items. The items are red cloak (Red Riding Hood), golden hair (Rapunzel), cow white as milk (Jack and the bean stalk), and a golden slipper (somehow Cinderella). If they get all these item to the witch (who cannot touch these items) the spell will be broken.

My opinion: This was the biggest disappointment. Like ever. Too much singing even for Disney. Way too much. Johnny Depp had like three to five minutes in the whole movie. The song he sang was horrible too. He looked like and sounded like a pedophile more than a wolf. (Biggest disappointment of the movie) All my friends were saying how they loved this movie. Why?? Prince Charming was a bigger idiot than in the book. (Like seriously you can’t tell the face you were looking at all night apart from other girls?) The hype around this movie made it seem so much better than it actually was. I thought the movie was over to find out that the giant’s wife was mad as ever and want Jack’s life. So the movie then continued.  I wanted to scream in frustration. Y left half way through just to go do something else, hence leaving me to deal with the rest of the movie alone. I just wanted everyone to stop singing. Oh spoiler alert. The baker’s wife and Prince charming cheat together after Charming is married to Cinderella for more then a few hours.

Rating: 3 out of 10

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Revenge of the Nerds Starring Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards

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Well this was on HBO so I recorded it. I then watched it this last Saturday and well can we give it up to the 80’s movies. Most of my favorites were made in the 80’s.

Movie:

The story follows Lewis (Carradine) and Gilbert (Edwards) and their band of misfits who are freshman in college. They are kicked out  of the freshman dorm due to the Alpha Beta fraternity burning their house down. The band of misfits have to take residence in the gym. Due to the housing situation the college is allowing fraternities to accept freshman. Well none of the fraternities picked them. They set out to find a house of their own which they find one. It’s not the best but they fix it up. Lewis and Gilbert want to make it a fraternity. They become a chapter of Lambda Lambda Lambda. They go against the Alpha Betas in the homecoming carnival.

My opinion:

This was a funny movie. A little too many boob scenes for my taste. Lamar was probably my favorite character because he was just so funny. This movie was a classic smarts outwits brawn. The nerd gets the cheerleader. Which Lewis was kind of creepy to me. He seemed a little stalkerish. It wasn’t a total let down. It had its moments.

Rating 7 out of 10

Posted in Movie Reviews

Silver Linings Playbook Starring Bradley Cooper & Jennifer Lawrence

This is one of my fiance’s favorite movies. I’m still trying to get my head around it.

Okay let me start with what this movie is about. It follows a man who has just been released out of a mental hospital. He was sent there due to coming home and finding his wife in the shower with another man. He beat the guy up pretty bad. Well he comes home to his parents house in Philadelphia. He ends up meeting a woman by the name of Tiffany who is about as crazy as can be. She is also a slut. (Literally she lost her job over it.) She doesn’t regret it either. Not something someone becomes after their spouse dies but hey her life. Well the man, Pat, wants to talk to his wife but he can’t due to a restraining order. Tiffany says she’ll give the letter to her only if Pat does something in return. Tiffany wants to do this dance contest but she needs a partner.  Well he agrees to be her dance partner.

Now my opinion on this is that the whole movie was just straight up weird. Really? Lawrence’s character is just a messed up person. Cooper’s isn’t all that great but he at least went to a mental hospital. It was just hard for me to follow. So many things were happening that I lost track of what this movie was presenting. I didn’t understand the plot if there was plot. Mostly this movie was football, dance contest, and Pat’s obsession with his wife.

Rating a 5 star out of 10.