Movie: Suspiria (2018)

Amazon Prime Video
Horror, Mystery, Fantasy
Released: Nov. 2, 2018
Rating: …yes…

Synopsis:

A darkness swirls at the center of a world-renowned dance company, one that will engulf the artistic director, an ambitious young dancer, and a grieving psychotherapist. Some will succumb to the nightmare. Others will finally wake up.

Review:

I have heard about the original that was released in 1977 is one of the better underrated horror movies. I have never seen the original and maybe that is one of my problems. Anywho, I was scrolling through Prime Video looking for something for Wy and I to watch. Saw Suspiria then decided to give it a chance.

We only watched an hour and four minutes of this two hour and thirty-two minutes movie. I can’t even tell you what went on during that hour and four minutes. I am so confused and disturbed all at the same time. I have no idea what this movie is really about. I don’t plan on finishing it either.

While the movie had big actresses in this who are incredible including Tilda Swinton, who played three characters, I just couldn’t get into this disturbing flick.

I’ve waited to write this review for two days trying to get my head wrapped around the little I saw. Nothing makes me want to go back and try to finish. Plus there is one scene where Dakota Johnson is apparently dancing??? But it really looks like she was auditioning for 50 Shades. She was writhing on the floor arching her back. Director spent way to much time filming her backside while everyone else was dancing around her.

I like artistic films, but not ones that have to make me think way too much to understand the concept only to get more and more confused. Maybe I missed it because I didn’t watch all the way through, but after watching Youtube reviews of people who actually watched all the way through, I don’t think I am the only one.

As for now, Suspiria is not for me.

Movie: The Secret Life of Bees

Rented off Amazon
Historical Fiction
Based off: Sue Monk Kidd’s book of the same name
Released: October 17, 2008
Rating: 2.5 stars

Synopsis:

In 1964, a teenage girl in search of the truth about her mother runs away to a small town in South Carolina and finds a family of independent women who can connect her to her past.

Review:

Of course I have read the book. Let me tell you, if I didn’t read the book this might have gotten a higher rating. Might.

The apple fell way far from the tree. The cast is an amazing group of actors but the direction given wasn’t the best.

June seemed just to be filled with hate one moment then she’s fine at the end. They don’t give her character the depth that she deserved. They don’t give even a tiny bit of detail on why she is the way she is. Also she didn’t teach music in the book. Neil was also the principal not another teacher.

August need more of the older wisdom feel which I know Queen Latifah can do if given the reins to do so.

Jennifer Hudson should have been able to bring in the depth she had in Dreamgirls to her character.

Dakota Fanning did an okay job. I just felt she made Lily too whiny and not a girl struggling to love and forgive herself.

Paul Bettany has done better. Again I think it was direction.

Zach’s character… one he had a black Ford Fairlane not a red and white one. Two he like June wasn’t given enough detail. It was like Lily just knew things about him and said these things to just let the audience know not to build up the relationship.

Oh don’t get me started on how they treated May. Kudos to Sophie Okonedo who did May the best justice she was allowed to give.

Again if I didn’t read the book, I may have found this movie likeable, but it fell flat. I believe it was the writing and direction that failed the movie. The actors did the best they were given. But this movie could have been more. It could have been given more depth.

Step Brothers starring Will Farrell and John C. Riley

I haven’t done this is forever. I thought I should do one. I’ve been hearing about this movie since 8th grade. Everyone that I talk to mostly guys, say it’s so funny. I am not a huge Will Farrell fan so I don’t watch his movies. I did like Daddy’s Home.

Movie Overall:

Brennan is a 40 year old man who still lives with his mother. Dale is a 40 year old man who still lives with his father. Mother and Father meet at a convention and end up getting married. They all move into one house together. Brennan and Dale don’t like each other. They fight and start playing pranks on one another till they come together after a showdown with Brennan’s younger brother.

 

My Review:

I might make some people mad but I hated this movie. It was so stupid. Brennan and Dale acted like 12 year old boys. It had no meaning. There was only one funny part that I laughed out loud. Other than that I don’t see why people thought this was so funny. It was immature grown men acting like idiots.

My rating: 2 stars out of 10

Movie Review: Sausage Party starring Seth Rogen, James Franco, Johan Hill, and Many Big Actors

Movie Synopsis 

A bunch of food are waiting in a grocery store to be picked by humans or as they call them “the Gods”. Beyond the grocery store’s doors is called the Great Beyond. All of the food want to go to the Great Beyond. They also live by certain rules that they think if they break the Gods will punish them. Our main hero is Frank (Rogen) and his journey trying to get to the Great Beyond.

 

My Opinion

(Just my face through most of the movie)

Last night I went on a double date with Wy our friend Ryan and his girlfriend. The boys suggested we go see Sausage Party. I knew once I heard Seth Rogen’s name that this was not going to be a kid friendly cartoon. I mean look at the movie poster. I have seen many of Rogen’s films and not bat one eye. This one however. WOW! I knew from the trailer that it was going to be raunchy and I thought this is going to have a lot of sexual innuendos. No they took it to a whole new level.

If you are going to watch this here are a few guidelines that must be in order before you can watch it.

Guidelines:

1. Do not think this is going to be politically correct. It’s not.
2. Do not have any children near by. This will even be too much for you.
3. Do not be easily offended. There is a lot of messed up shit.
4. Do not I repeat DO NOT think they won’t cross the line with anything. Because they don’t cross they line. They ran 25 miles from that line.

My mind is now tainted. There wasn’t any sexual innuendos. There was sex. I will ruin the end for you. The last ten minutes is full on Food Porn. I will never ever look at a bagel, hot dog, hot dog buns, or a taco the same ever again.

On the ride home which is an hour away from the closest movie theater, Wy and I kept trying to wrap our heads around the food fuckery we have just witnessed.  To be truthful I still can’t get over the fact of that movie. it was horrible. It was funny. But it will be only a one time watch for me.

Rating: I have no f*cking clue.

 

The Purge:Election Year Directed by James DeMonaco

Starring: Frank Grillo and Elizabeth Mitchell

Rating: 8 out of 10 stars

What it is about: The Purge is still going. It is an election year. Senator Charlie Roan is running for president. She wants to put a stop to the purge. This upsets a lot of people. An assassination attempt has been put out on her for Purge night.

My Opinion:

I haven’t done this in a while but I recently watched this in the theaters. I would have to say this is the best Purge movie so far. They focused on so many little details in this one that it just came together perfectly. This one also showed how corrupt the Purge got for the rich people and politicians. I have to say you need to watch the first two before this one. One thing that was left unanswered from this movie is will it be the last Purge. The movie left on a damn cliff hanger. I don’t know whether they should leave it how it is or if they should make another one.

One thing I do know for certain is that if there really was a purge I’m moving. Whether it be to Canada or to the border that way when purge night is about to happen I can just cross the border for a little vacation.

What would you do if there was a purge? 

♣Jay♠

Legend staring Tom Hardy and Tom Hardy

What the movie is about: Reggie and Ronnie Kray are twins living in London. They are gangsters taking over London. The story is told by Reggie’s wife Frances. The story follows the twins the day Reggie meets Frances. Ronnie is in a mental institute and is being released.

My opinion: Ronnie is beyond crazy. At first I liked Reggie then towards the end I didn’t like him. I wasn’t much of a fan of Frances. If you are going to watch this be prepared for a gruesome and long story. The movie is a little over two hours. There is a fight scene between Reggie and Ronnie, during the scene you can tell where the stunt double was on Reggie a lot. It was a little irritating but over all it was a good movie. I did like it. Will I watch it ever again? Probably not.

Sorry I have so much to say on this movie but I would spoil the plot twists just by talking about it.

♣Jay♠

Sisters staring Tina Fey and Amy Poelher

What this movie is about: Two sisters find out that their parents have sold their childhood home. The sisters then decide to have one final blow out and through a big party like they use to.

Yeah that is pretty much the movie.

My opinion: Oh my this was funny it was so hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing. I do recommend if having a girls night that this is one of the movies on you list. Trust me you won’t be disappointed.

Sorry I don’t have much to say. There wasn’t much to the movie.

♣Jay♠

10 Things I Hate About You starring Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

What the movie is about:

Bianca is told that she is not allowed to date until her older sister Kat starts to date. With the help of Cameron and his best friend Michael, they come up with a plan to hire someone to woo her sister. The main problem is Kat doesn’t care what people think about her and she normally says what is on her mind. Hiring the school’s bad boy, Patrick is what the doctor ordered. But can Patrick seduce Kat or will it all blow up in their faces?

My Opinion:

I thought this movie was hilarious. I was told many times to watch this movie and I finally sat down and watched it. I love Julia Stiles character. The “I don’t give a shit” attitude is awesome especially when someone means it. The little romance that was brewing between Patrick and Kat was just awww. Now Bianca at first was annoying until the end when she finally grew a brain.

If you are looking for a good movie to watch on a girls night, this is it.

♣Jay♠

Two Night Stand starring Miles Teller and Analeigh Tipton

Movie: A woman trying to get over a bad break up decides to go online. (Always the right choice. Not) She makes an online connection and decides to go over to his place. They have sex blah blah blah. The kicker though is that they live in New York. A snow storm traps them inside. Awkward part is that they just had jabs at each other and now are stuck together.

My opinion: This was an alright movie. The girl seemed to snotty for me. I love Miles Teller. He was adorable to me. Even for being a pot head. But omgoodness I just couldn’t get past Tipton’s character. She was like so snotty and ugh I can’t even think of anything good to say about her character. There was a good sex scene. Got Y a little riled up.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Into the Woods staring Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, Anna Kendrick, and more big stars.

Okay so this movie combines a lot of fairy tales into one. I was so excited to sit down and watch this. When I first saw the commercial and saw Johnny Depp, “I was like yep. I’m watching it.” Well my fiance (Y) and I went to Redbox and rented it for date night. I was excited. I almost started bouncing up and down in my seat. We got home, settled into the couch, and pressed play…

Movie: The movie is about all the fairy tales wrapped into one. A baker and his wife want a baby but they find out that the family was cursed due to the Baker’s father stealing beans out of a witch’s garden. They can reverse the curse if they get these enchanted items. The items are red cloak (Red Riding Hood), golden hair (Rapunzel), cow white as milk (Jack and the bean stalk), and a golden slipper (somehow Cinderella). If they get all these item to the witch (who cannot touch these items) the spell will be broken.

My opinion: This was the biggest disappointment. Like ever. Too much singing even for Disney. Way too much. Johnny Depp had like three to five minutes in the whole movie. The song he sang was horrible too. He looked like and sounded like a pedophile more than a wolf. (Biggest disappointment of the movie) All my friends were saying how they loved this movie. Why?? Prince Charming was a bigger idiot than in the book. (Like seriously you can’t tell the face you were looking at all night apart from other girls?) The hype around this movie made it seem so much better than it actually was. I thought the movie was over to find out that the giant’s wife was mad as ever and want Jack’s life. So the movie then continued.  I wanted to scream in frustration. Y left half way through just to go do something else, hence leaving me to deal with the rest of the movie alone. I just wanted everyone to stop singing. Oh spoiler alert. The baker’s wife and Prince charming cheat together after Charming is married to Cinderella for more then a few hours.

Rating: 3 out of 10